I was brought up in a Buddhist family that practice ancestors worship, prayed in temples and set up altars during Chinese New Year to pray to the Kitchen God or Moon cake festival to pray to the Moon.
Neil Armstrong landed on the moon on July 20, 1969. I was seven years old and as far as I remembered, we continued to ‘worshipped’ the moon till I was in my early teens.
I studied in a mission school and became a Christian (Anglican) against my family’s wishes. I was devoted then, memorized many verses in the bible. Growing up, life was good. As a teenager, I cried to my God and shared with Him my puppy loves. Nothing major happened. My grandmother and then my uncle died. I was sad but I just accepted that old people die and that was what the song said
When I was an adult, married with three children, life was still good. My children’s father and myself were divorced, not because of a third party. It was because we both put our career first and drifted apart. When that happened, I fell in love with a married man. I would have given my life to him as I never knew what love was until I met this man. He was a coward. In times like those, there was still a God I cried to. I moved on and migrated to another country.
In the midst of loneliness, God was still around. I overcame loneliness by doing things on my own and became such a strong and confident woman.
We were happy but 2019 was a turning point for me and then my whole family. I was made redundant in July followed by a few bad events. The big blow was my middle daughter got sick in September and died in October. I prayed like I never prayed before and yet God still took her.
She passed away so suddenly and peacefully. Today, as we are on our day two of lockdown from Covid19, I miss my daughter more than ever. I am beginning to reflect and think.
As we always say that everything happens for a reason. The saying is easy but understanding this statement is so hard indeed.
As I ponder, reflect and think, I still do not know if there is a God up there. I want to think of my daughter as an angel in heaven but if there is no God, is there a place we call heaven?
“Dear God, please be real, be here for me and for the world fighting Covid19.
Let our loved ones who died live as beautiful angels in heaven.
Castaway Covid19, take away our anxieties and bring back our happiness.
We know You can do this because You care for us and You will protect us. Amen”